The following is from my paper journal that i occasionally write in. it's not pulitzer prize winning, but something that has really been nagging at me...in a good way:

The book of Judges has some very noteworthy and famous stories. There's Gideon, Deborah and Samson. What has been the most striking to me are the parallels between our desire for an omnipotent, altruistic ruler and the way the Israelites went from one judge to another, trying to set up an earthly kingdom [to solve their problems], when there is already a heavenly one established. In Judges 8, Gideon refused to rule Israel, claiming that we already have a King. What if we did the same thing today? What if we stopped throwing ourselves at the feet of Obama or complaining about the leadership of Iran, and rested, knowing that the Kingdom IS here, and it's nothing to do with our earthly politics. If God is truly King, there is no longer any need for riches, vengeance and power. There is only rest and peace, things we try to embody through humans.

this is not an obama bashing...i voted for him. simply put, we idolize our politicians and leaders and completely dethrone God. we do it everyday, without even knowing it. i do it everyday. money is king, or at least the desire to have enough is. but what is enough? if God is peace, if God is love, if God is rest, and if God lives in me, then what the hell am i doing?

just thoughts...

in an effort to simplify and get back to the basics, i am returning to this blog, only one in the slew of blogs and online journals that i have attempted to maintain over the past 10 years.

you'll see some older posts, which i found quite insightful upon reading them this morning. i suppose that is why i want to return to this blog. it is the one i began during my pregnancy, a time which seemed complicated, but radiated with an air of simplicity and hope that has somehow been buried beneath the disassociation of the past 3 years. part of my journey back here will be to explore what the hell happened to my faith and where the cynicism and fear became king. not a journey that seems pleasant, but necessary and enlightening.

so i am starting fresh, coming empty, ready for santosha- contentment and peace. i am ready for a new name, a new outlook, characterized by a true identity, which was never designed to be what it has become...

No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah [my delight is in her], and your land Beulah [married]; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:4-5