08 April 2010

over the past few months, my life has taken some dramatic turns.
that's not why i am finally posting.

but in light of recent events, i have begun to think more intently about the way i have lived up until now.
in a phoenix rising yoga therapy session, we do an integration at the end, bringing everything we have learned, noticed, felt and breathed together. we observe it, how it serves or doesn't serve us in life, and then speak about it.

sometimes it helps to do a spontaneous integration randomly through the day. i did one earlier today during my weekly mentor phone call...and it feels somewhat appropriate right now. or maybe just part of it.

one of the things we ask is how the client, or i, live life day to day, and how those interest-piquing things show up, whether on a physical, mental, emotional or metaphysical level.
this past week has been one long realization that i do not stand up for myself. i choose to care take, even when it is something i desperately don't want to do. but it feels safe because that's what i have known. it does not serve me. it imprisons me.

yesterday i took a huge leap from denying what is good for me, to embracing it, even if i saw the hurt it caused someone else. in a sense, i have been a lifetime liar, protecting others while never protecting myself.

so today, i see that. i acknowledge it. do i want to change it? sure. but for now, i sit with it. in time, without any prompting or forcing, i will change. and as i respect myself, i will respect others greatly.

grace to you all.

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