08 May 2006

 John 7:37
Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink."

I have neglected writing for too long. my paper journal has remained unused and sadly lonely, even though i should be writing more now that i'm pregnant than ever before. i used to spend every morning reading my Bible AND writing commentary. my journal was full of so many random, beautiful and often silly thoughts. i suppose with this new life coming upon me, spending more of my time online doing work, the long dead online journal of kelly should be revived. thus, i am here, and happily so.

now, to comment on this verse i read as i perused the online pages of biblegateway...

a couple weeks ago, my husband and i had an unfortunate experience regarding church. regardless of how one believes on issues of salvation, there are certain levels of respect that one should have when speaking to the masses. at our now former church, the elder speaking disrespected a great many believers, and in turn, lost my respect. this is a long story that isn't really necessary for public display, but i will say this: the one comment that still floors me, is when he blatantly stated, "Jesus didn't die for everyone. If He died for everyone, then He didn't die for anyone." my heart dropped and tears started to well up in my already well saturated eyes. i felt hurt and betrayed, angered at how that could be derived from the Book that i have so trusted in for the last 12 years.

but this morning, i came upon this verse and was reminded of how beautifully gracious our Lord is; how he longs to have everyone, no matter how depraved one is. we are all utterly depraved; i have never claimed not to be. but some in other sects of Christianity seem to feel that having a belief in a certain path to salvation must mean that one cannot possibly think that they are utterly depraved, but somehow exalted and worthy of a prize. frankly, i just don't see this, but i could be blind, as i have been before. haven't we all?

i have been so humbled, forced to drink from the water that i unknowingly denied. the reality of having a child has made me so thirsty again. it reminds me of salvation, of the beauty of being birthed into the family of God through His grace and mercy, and loving Him out of a conscious choice rather than obligation. i long to be thirsty EVERYDAY, that i may earnestly seek He that refreshes me. i am ready for that saturation that i used to so often revel in. the depth of the wells of my heart are longing to be filled...and i am ready to drink.

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